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10 Tips on Life After Men – How to Get Back on Track After Separation Or Divorce
Top 10 Tips for Life After Men: How to Get Yourself Back After a Divorced, Divorced, Cheated, or Abandoned Man
Your life has stopped. For years you gave everything you had to the man in your life and now you know he cheated or he no longer loves you – in short – you suddenly find yourself alone in the middle of nowhere. Divorce without a man next to you angry and resentful. How did you get back? How do you start to feel good about yourself? How do you deal with children – especially angry teenagers? You need a job but have not worked for many years – what now, where do you start? I hope to help you with this series of articles for the first time, because this is where it begins – find yourself and learn to like who you are before walking out of there with your back straight and finding your feet. In the great mass. The world itself.
Now you can ask yourself, how do I know what I am talking about? Believe me, I do. At 44, I see myself as a single mother with four children, ages 20, 18, 11 and 7 – three girls and one boy. And I’m single for a while now. I went through all the movement – anger, despair, the whole thing. I also had to learn to like myself after spending years with a man who told me I was useless. I also had to find out who I was, what I liked and where I wanted to go from there, and I had to go out there to find work after not working for almost six years. In addition, I had two angry teenagers (in the case of my son) who suddenly found freedom from dictatorship and tried their best to try everything under the sun they were not. Lets try before. Want to be your teen best friend? I’ll show you how, but that’s another article. Let’s start with you. So you feel fat, ugly and useless? So you feel like no one there can love you anymore? Get real. He is a loser, not you. You are special, you are special and you must know before you can do anything else. So where to start?
1) Find out what you like (used to like, maybe) and rediscover it. We all have our little things. With me it is writing. I write novels. I wandered in them. When our problems started, they became my crutches. My character came true. I got my eldest daughter (then 17 years old) to attend. It has become a great communication tool between the four of us as kids love to share ideas with me and get new ideas for my novels. Anichia even joined me and wrote a few pages. Most of the new ideas I got were from her. The point is, we all have something we enjoy doing, and when you survive a bad marriage, you often forget about it. It becomes a battle to keep calm. Back there. Maybe you like gardening? Go back to it – rediscover Chinese gardens and landscapes if that’s what you like to do. Find out what you like and start doing those things. It’s a great treatment and it helps you rediscover yourself because that is what you most need.
2) Give yourself a change. I have been told many times that I am useless. Now I agree with one thing, I am not a housewife. I have my head in the clouds almost all the time, but I tell you this, I know I have tried my best and I know I am not fat, not bad and not old. But in the long run, you start to feel like you own all those things – useless, fat and ugly. What did I do? I cut my hair. Simple, easy and inexpensive – but tells you what works. I feel better. Then I went a little farther and got a tattoo. That made him angry and I was really happy not because he was angry but because I walked out of the tattoo parlor and exploded with pride. I did something I never thought I would be willing to do and I felt like a new woman. Of course, I took my two teens and went to the bar (I shot tequila and them for Coca-Cola) immediately and ended up comparing tattoos with other girls like me. Great feeling. Now do not rush to get a tattoo, because I think it is good for me. Maybe you need to go to the spa for a day and soak in the hot tub and do your nails. Whatever works for you. Destroy yourself. Tell yourself you are special because you are
3) Get a new hobby. Is there anything you have always wanted to do? Learn to play golf? Going skiing? Get out there and do it. Nothing hinders you? You may just find something about yourself that you did not know and you can make new friends. Go ahead and enjoy. Life is about living, not wiping your face.
4) Go out to find new friends. Harder than it sounds, but worth it. I did not have a car for a while, so the kids and I had to walk everywhere. That means I get to know a lot of new people and see a lot of new faces. Many of them became good friends and they supported me throughout my life. Funny thing – a friend I thought I had when I got married suddenly disappeared from the earth. Get ready for that. The false will disappear and the one who does now will remain the same. Put your shyness down the toilet and flush it out. People are better than you think. Go ahead and find out for yourself.
5) Spend time with your children and do things with them that you always wanted to do but never had time for. Survival affects children, and they soon forget that they are children. Find them again, find out who they are and what they like to do, listen to their music, go for a walk, take them to the park, drive and take them to the museum or on vacation. We did this so my son was a skier and he wanted to try it out so I decided to take him and spend a long weekend. We did it twice and in the process we were closer than I thought we could be. My 20s discuss everything with me – and I mean everything – and my son does the same. What other mother could boast of her teenager trusting her like this? That is because I join them in my life, my decisions, my sorrows and my joys. They are my life. Your child is your life. Make them a part of yours.
6) Walk for a long time by yourself and look around. Discover nature and yourself, be alone now and then, but do not cry and worry. Take a walk, look at flowers, trees, birds – go for a walk and think about yourself and your children and your plans and what you want out of life where you want to be five years from now or just not Think, see. Pink sings a song ‘Leave me alone (I want to be alone)’ Sometimes you have to be alone to find yourself.
7) Participate in the lives of people who are less fortunate than you. My youth never allowed friends until my father left. Now, suddenly, a friend comes home and is resurrected. Wow! It’s amazing! But with what I know, many of the heartaches there are worse than mine – like a fourteen-year-old girl with a 23-year-old boyfriend pregnant or a 16-year-old boy abused by a foster father. He – a child who feels they are hopeless. It makes me sick, it makes me angry, and it makes us want to be involved in their lives. It took the focus off my personal issues and seemed to make them less important. It helped.
8) Keep motivated and positive. You will get the day you are depressed and everything seems to drag you down. Fight it. Get up, straighten your back, take a long hot shower, and tell yourself to stay positive. Not easy, but worth it. Do not let life give up on you.
9) Put on some (very loud) music and sing or dance your heart out. Do not laugh, but when I got married I forgot how much I liked Bon Jovi’s music. When my husband left, I rediscovered it and found that my son’s music was not bad. I started singing with Linkin Park exploding all over the neighborhood. Desperate? No problem. I put Jon Bon Jovi in full swing and sang to my top while cleaning the house and soon I felt a million dollars. His lyrics speak to me and give me hope. Listen to “It’s my life”; Believe me – that makes me wonder. Music works miracles.
10) Gather a few good girlfriends and hang out at night. We did that. Rachel myself and a few other chicks went out to Waves, a local restaurant, had a few drinks, a few laughs, and sang karaoke. What a night! I had to pull Rachel by the throat (she was in the same position as me but more depressed) but it worked. Make us both have a good world. WARNING – Do not get drunk (there is nothing disgusting about a drunken woman) and do not be tempted to date a man who looks attractive. Stay away! That night is about you, not about sleeping, and the next morning you will wake up hating yourself. Find yourself before finding a new lover, otherwise it will not be effective.
Hope these tips helped. That’s where I started and it’s a great place to start. I was on my way and feeling better about myself than I had felt for years. I do not need men, I have what I need. If I find anyone great. If I do not, cool. Life is worth living. Start doing it. Live.
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