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The Experienced Widow
As a result of being widowed twice in my life, once at the age of 27 and the second time at the age of 73, I have learned three things.
1. Although life goes on, you have wonderful memories to cherish, but learn to live in the moment.
2. Be grateful to have a partner who appreciates you and tries to make you happy. If you are alone and you don’t like being alone, find someone who can make you happy again.
3. You will compare – there is no way to avoid it, but these new things will be different, but you will find good things in the new relationship.
Life goes on – at 27 with two children under the age of five, I threw myself into the early 70s. It was bad enough that I was a widow at that age, but it was also a time of great upheaval. The 70s saw the Vietnam War crisis, Nixon impeachment, and feminism on the rise. Everything turned upside down for me. As a post-Victorian baby boomer accustomed to feminine clothing, women’s clothing looked just like men’s clothing, so I was uncomfortable and insecure. Mary Tyler Moore made a TV show about being independent as a woman and made it look good.
After my first husband died, I knew I had to change my life, and if I didn’t, I never would. So I left my small town in upstate New York and moved to Canada to start a new life. There were many days when I wanted to run away to a place I was afraid of, but I persevered by telling myself that I would give it 5 years and if it didn’t work out, I would go back to my hometown. .
In the second year of my new life in Canada, I met my soon-to-be second husband, a widower. He has one child and I have two daughters, so we are a blended family. It is not easy to unite two families because of emotional problems, differences in how to conduct a family and raise children, but the marriage lasted for 43 years. When he died, I thought it was for me, for the men in my life.
Be thankful for your partner – my first marriage lasted 9 years and was between a young couple with naivety and perhaps a lack of conscience. My second marriage lasted 43 years to a wonderful man who was smart, kind, compassionate, and loved to travel. We had a great life, even though we worked hard to keep our family issues together. But since I was 18, I was a married man, so minus the 3 years between marriages, I had to find someone to share my life with, even if that didn’t mean marriage. I didn’t like being alone.
You’ll Compare – As life goes on and we’re both happily married, I’ve decided to sign up for Match and do some “partner” shopping to see if there’s someone who meets some of my criteria. I didn’t want a divorcee, so I excluded every divorcee. My second husband was a scholar with a Renaissance approach to life, so I wanted to be an educated person. I was traveling the world with my second husband, so I wanted someone who loved to travel and was thoughtful and kind.
Well, I’ve been divorced twice, can only go on cruises due to mobility issues, and sometimes ignore others because of being polite.
I had to let go of the need to compare her to the first two husbands, but she was closer to her second husband. See, I can’t stop comparing! I had to get used to cruising rather than going to a country and traveling. Mind you, cruises were the best, so I soon learned to enjoy them.
Despite being a smart person in my own right, my second husband’s lack of detail meant I had to learn to adapt to limited themes and simple films rather than complex ones.
Now the good thing my new partner brought me was sex. I thought a part of my life was over, and with this new partner who loves sex, loves hugs and kisses, I’m really starting to enjoy my body at my age.
We baked and cooked together and it was fun to find new recipes. We both enjoyed going to concerts and musicals and finding new and interesting things to do together. I began to appreciate these new gifts of his contribution to my life.
At 74, I can honestly say that life goes on. I still cherish the past, but I want to live in the present. I am grateful for the gift of friendship and will continue to look for these things in a new partner who will bring me joy.
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