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How Stressful Family Relationships Lead to Insomnia
Not getting a good night’s sleep is frustrating and tiring
Long sleep was bad enough. But waking up at 2am and not being able to sleep was frustrating and annoying. Dwayne was worried about his performance the next day. He thought about what he should have said and done at work and with his girlfriend over the past twenty-four hours. He planned ahead so he wouldn’t get into a mess again.
A sleepless night turns into a sleepless week
Sleepless nights turned into sleepless weeks. Over-the-counter treatments did not help. Also no exercise, or what is called a “sleep hygiene regime”. Dwayne’s anxiety reached an unbearable level. It was spilling everywhere. Things were already shaky with his girlfriend and his job was in doubt. Every night he wished he could escape for a few hours in his sleep. He stopped drinking caffeine several hours before bed and avoided eating after 8:00 p.m. Remove laptops and other distractions to make your bedroom more “sleepy”. Herbal teas and hot relaxing baths were worse than useless. Soul music and “wave” machines just pissed him off.
Beating yourself up about the past or replaying the future will stop you from falling asleep
Dwayne couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t sleep. Everything about her love life and work was uncertain, but she was no more stressed than usual. He was angry that he could not control this important part of his life. This brought him to psychotherapy. Together, we discover how vigilant Dwayne must be in his sobriety to avoid imaginary failure, loss of respect, and loss of connection. He was either beating himself up over the past and mentally trying to fix his mistakes, or he was preparing for something bad that might happen in the future. Dwayne was rare in that moment. The fear of taking his eyes off the ball and falling into a big mess made it hard for him to relax and enjoy any moment.
Tight emotional control prevents the brain from shutting down
Growing up in a family where no one talked about feelings, Dwayne believed that he should always make his family members happy. He had little contact with his birth mother and felt guilty and ungrateful when he wanted to spend time with her. The relationship was unreliable, unstable and unreliable, which made him insecure. No one ever talked to him about it or modeled it, so he never learned how to manage his feelings. In order to stay within the family, everything was seen through the prism of strict restrictions. He was so scared, worried that if he lost control, he would turn his anger even stronger and lose all his important relationships forever.
What research is done on poor family relationships and insomnia?
Stress and childhood experiences that can lead to insomnia
A 1981 study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine found that insomniacs were more likely to experience stressful life events, such as loss or illness, than those who slept well. Childhood experiences of children with insomnia are characterized as follows.
1. Bad relationship with parents
2. Dissatisfaction with the quality of family relationships
3.Being less than satisfied with friends and colleagues as an adult
A history of relationship problems can lead to feelings of anxiety and guilt. Communication problems make communication more difficult, so needs and anger are pushed aside. Covering such strong discomfort makes it difficult to relax and sleep.
Inviting and accepting Dwayne’s natural self leads to a good sleep experience
Dwayne’s difficulty expressing his feelings, expressing guilt, suppressed anger, and constant anxiety fit the psychological profile of chronic insomnia. A poor relationship with his family and stressful life events made him anxious.
Talking about his anxiety, fear, and need for intimacy eased Dwayne’s insomnia.
Dwayne’s psychotherapy experience began to address all of these issues.
Getting permission to enjoy the moment was the first step in letting go of Dwayne’s vigilance, anxiety, and guilt.
Recognizing the feeling allowed him to discover comfort and solace, allowing him to reveal his true nature.
When Dwayne finally agreed to talk about his experiences with his family and his fear of loss, there was a noticeable change in his demeanor. She became more flexible, trusted her emotions more, and was less afraid of bad things happening if she stayed in the moment. Our work together has helped to create new neural pathways that allow her reason and judgment to work in harmony with her emotions. Dwayne wasn’t afraid of his feelings, and as he realized that if he talked about his feelings, he wouldn’t faint, insomnia became a thing of the past.
Copyright by Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2010
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