What Child Is This Child Of The Poor Sheet Music Single Reviews of The Latest UK Singles

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Single Reviews of The Latest UK Singles

NARCOLEPTIC DANCERS – Unknown

Songwriter Melody and producer Anton Johnny van Kappers named themselves Narcoleptic Dancers in tribute to their soccer-kicking father, a professional Dutch soccer player. We hope the sports press gave him this odd nickname due to his unique hairstyle and carefree dribbling, rather than his profuse drooling. Anyway, we tried to research Johnny van Cappers, but unfortunately we didn’t find much information. Error!

But his progeny produced good old-fashioned, breezy pop folk from the 1970s, winning a Mercury Prize in 2000 for Badly Painted Boy. In 2007 or 2010, the indie movie Juno came back into vogue.

Scored 4 out of 5

BLOOD RED SHOES – Shine on

The blood red shoes apparently got their name from Ginger Rogers (horribly) after her feet bled and her white shoes turned red after intense training for her role in the 1936 movie Swing Hour with Fred Astaire. Pretty thing.

Now, that’s a decent effort, but if only Blood Red Boots followed Ginger Rogers’ efforts to create classic US punk. It’s fine as an English “Pixies” type, but it lacks something special to make it shine amongst current noise bands like Sleigh Bells.

Scored 3 out of 5

FOREIGN OFFICE – On repeat Foreign Affairs’ new super limited edition single “On Repeat” is out now via Quiet Life Records. The DIY single will be available as a limited edition CD hand-stamped (whatever) and wax-sealed by the band.

It sounds like fun moments from a Talking Heads movie, making us feel like we’re in 1979, and the band themselves look like smart young members of the Foreign Office. The best comparison would be when Chris Addison’s character in The Thick Of It drinks too much alcohol and starts to think he might as well be in the Houses of Parliament (70s funk band). Er… in a good way.

Scored 3 out of 5

PINK – Raise the table

Everyone knows that you have to be a woman to fully appreciate Pink’s (so-called) pop talent. It’s a girl thing. Here’s a new single to help sell a few copies of his greatest hits album. Because of his penis and Adam’s apple, many of you will not be able to see his incredible attractiveness.

However, it doesn’t make you want to get your eardrums pierced like other pop stars (hello Cheryl Cole). It’s my opinion that most Electric Banana Men are a bit rosy compared to their other pop rivals. So, we’ll at least raise a glass to him…even if it’s not our cup of tea.

Scored 3 out of 5

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE – Na Na Na

New single Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) (which also turns into a slimy Na Na Na) really showcases My Chemical Romance’s lyrical growth. Lol. Yes, it’s big, dumb, and stupid.

Like most MCR songs, it has a simple/childish big chorus that you might hate after the fifth listen. Girls who love eye makeup will love it, but I’m afraid it will raise eyebrows from most people at Banana Center. It is definitely not an electric nanana. I’m sorry. A bad joke.

Rated 2 out of 5

McFLY – Shine a light

Which are these again? Is it the ones with that guy from the tall guy from Fightstar? No. Sorry, we have absolutely no idea who these guys are. Anyway, they teamed up with Tayo Cruz and left the bubbly punk-pop we’ve come to expect from their 2004 heyday.

It’s another sad pop song that’s clearly trying to be a ballad with a dance beat like JLS. The title ‘Jumping On The Bandwagon’ would be a more apt and fair title. But those sly record label folks like to call this type of band “mature.” Not so. It’s just a shameful attempt to look modern.

Rated 1 out of 5

TAKE IT – Flood Remember where you were when it was announced that music giants/rivals Barlow and Williams had bridged the gap? Obviously, this was as important an event as Russia and America forgetting about that stupid Cold War business, or Yitzhak Rabin and Yasser Arafat shaking hands with a scowling Bill Clinton in front of the world’s media.

Now you want to make a BIG comeback single to celebrate this special event and the recent huge ticket sales success, right? Barlow wrote the most vulgar song in the history of popular music. Scary.

Rated 1 out of 5

SHAYNE WARD – Somebody has to be

Oh. We spoke too soon. This makes the Take That boys (easily) the quietest song of all time. Anyway, you don’t often hear Elton John, but the old lady recently said: ‘Television makes you a superstar, then you have to support it,’ she continued. ‘Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke are at mercy. .”

This single poor old man Shane is in deep trouble right now. The former X Factor winner is here singing a cover version of a Nickelback song. NICKELBACK FOR CHRIST!!!! Now, judging by Sir Elton’s theory, Cowell giving him a Nickelback song to sing could almost certainly be interpreted as Ward slapping the stupid designer’s bum. Bye. Unfortunately, the irony of the title must have been lost on him.

Rated 1 out of 5

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